Wow, the last last blog was written exactly one year ago in the same city. (And woah, my only entry in 2014...) I’m in HongKong again! Oh My Gosh, Asia makes such beautifully hot sneakers! Nike and Adidas are so much more than only “athletics” here: They are so fashionable my shoes-desire is greater than ever. Anyway, there feels like nothing to say because life is so much more interesting and personal now. But, I want to be back, to continue writing, just for fun, typing whatever comes to mind.
Life’s been really full these past months of school. Not always busy, but always filled with things that could be done. I should do a sad Term 1 Overview now I have time.
(Oops—procrastination… I’m actually now back in Shanghai.)
I got straight A’s for Term I, but I could say it was all luck. I thought French and Choir (95% teehee xD) was easy A’s but they really did come close. But then again, I really thought I wouldn’t get A in Math, Socials, Physics and Chem but I did!! I was really surprised and crazily happy because in all these, it was either I bombed one out of one or two tests, or that I screwed up on most of my quizzes. But yay, they were okay. Chem was surprisingly above 90 but others are only low A’s.
But now, I feel more motivated and determined. I honestly don’t think they can be that hard — difficulty that I cannot overcome, fear that I cannot contain — I don’t think that exists in my life just yet. My goal is to keep my 86% in Physics and 92% in Chem and at least get everything else 90%+.
I have this friend who is in Grade 11 in both my Chem and Physics class. He already got 2250 on his SAT test. For AP’s, he’s done Psychology last year and is taking Physics AP and other AP courses under Socials now. Also, a grad I know got in Cornell’s Architecture for Early Decision. She’s done for applications completely. All these add up and I realize how grand this pressure already is. I want to do good; this is me. But I don’t want to work hard for it; sadly, this is also me. This burden weighs more and more as I stretch the possibilities yet lose faith in myself to push, to work to reach my goal. I don’t know what to do when I know exactly what I should do; shortcuts are BS yet my brain tells me it’s okay to wait. That is truly one hell of a problem. At least right now, I pray I don’t lose my conscience and this awareness I reflect on of my situation. But honestly, I’m once again starting to pray for quite a bit more than this. Who am I kidding, I am strengthless and wretched. Me myself is full of crap and dreams — Me myself makes no reliability. But then again, sadly, when I think of my future, a future with no Ivy League or Stanford or MIT or Oxford or Caltech or Berkeley seemed do-able and happy! Maybe NUS or Waterloo or simply Quest is enough. Lord, how I fear the idea of giving up especially when I can’t control myself but to do so.
But really though, Tracey Chen, you yourself is a brain and you are full of wisdom and bravery and spirit to try and mind to go against the flow. Just please please put in more time on the things you do. At your age, much of life depends not on the society or any outer influence. Your high school success depends on yourself!! And Goodness, use your movie time to do something useful — actually finish your music compositions or read more books!! You could be using and doing so much. I swear, you’ll regret life so so much if you don’t start working harder now.
So now I’m back to Shanghai and soon back to Vancouver, I just hope to not screw up this next term and regretted these months when I could have made everything possible. Ah, “may the force be with me.”
JK, may the Lord be with me. xD
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