HongKong Again

Wow, the last last blog was written exactly one year ago in the same city. (And woah, my only entry in 2014...) I’m in HongKong again! Oh My Gosh, Asia makes such beautifully hot sneakers! Nike and Adidas are so much more than only “athletics” here: They are so fashionable my shoes-desire is greater than ever. Anyway, there feels like nothing to say because life is so much more interesting and personal now. But, I want to be back, to continue writing, just for fun, typing whatever comes to mind.

Life’s been really full these past months of school. Not always busy, but always filled with things that could be done. I should do a sad Term 1 Overview now I have time. 

(Oops—procrastination… I’m actually now back in Shanghai.) 

I got straight A’s for Term I, but I could say it was all luck. I thought French and Choir (95% teehee xD) was easy A’s but they really did come close. But then again, I really thought I wouldn’t get A in Math, Socials, Physics and Chem but I did!! I was really surprised and crazily happy because in all these, it was either I bombed one out of one or two tests, or that I screwed up on most of my quizzes. But yay, they were okay. Chem was surprisingly above 90 but others are only low A’s. 

But now, I feel more motivated and determined. I honestly don’t think they can be that hard — difficulty that I cannot overcome, fear that I cannot contain — I don’t think that exists in my life just yet. My goal is to keep my 86% in Physics and 92% in Chem and at least get everything else 90%+. 

I have this friend who is in Grade 11 in both my Chem and Physics class. He already got 2250 on his SAT test. For AP’s, he’s done Psychology last year and is taking Physics AP and other AP courses under Socials now. Also, a grad I know got in Cornell’s Architecture for Early Decision. She’s done for applications completely. All these add up and I realize how grand this pressure already is. I want to do good; this is me. But I don’t want to work hard for it; sadly, this is also me. This burden weighs more and more as I stretch the possibilities yet lose faith in myself to push, to work to reach my goal. I don’t know what to do when I know exactly what I should do; shortcuts are BS yet my brain tells me it’s okay to wait. That is truly one hell of a problem. At least right now, I pray I don’t lose my conscience and this awareness I reflect on of my situation. But honestly, I’m once again starting to pray for quite a bit more than this. Who am I kidding, I am strengthless and wretched. Me myself is full of crap and dreams — Me myself makes no reliability. But then again, sadly, when I think of my future, a future with no Ivy League or Stanford or MIT or Oxford or Caltech or Berkeley seemed do-able and happy! Maybe NUS or Waterloo or simply Quest is enough. Lord, how I fear the idea of giving up especially when I can’t control myself but to do so.

But really though, Tracey Chen, you yourself is a brain and you are full of wisdom and bravery and spirit to try and mind to go against the flow. Just please please put in more time on the things you do. At your age, much of life depends not on the society or any outer influence. Your high school success depends on yourself!! And Goodness, use your movie time to do something useful — actually finish your music compositions or read more books!! You could be using and doing so much. I swear, you’ll regret life so so much if you don’t start working harder now. 

So now I’m back to Shanghai and soon back to Vancouver, I just hope to not screw up this next term and regretted these months when I could have made everything possible. Ah, “may the force be with me.” 

JK, may the Lord be with me. xD

Determination? Yeah Determination

I’ve been “doing an internship” at my father factory this week and the past week. But it was today that really inspired me of something significantly more than the manufacturing process, the product, the jobs, etc., but rather of some personal relations.

In the beginning of the day, I was lead to the manager of the Quality Management Department. He introduced me to the big unit — the Automotive Metal Tubing unit — which his department works under, then showed me around in the workshops. 

But then later as we returned to his office and discussed the Department of Quality Management, we somehow went off-topic to talking about “difficulties in life”. He first assumed I possibly have difficulties in school, and I nodded to simply respond that I was paying attention, to show respect. But he went on, and said my father definitely has had difficulties that are much more difficult. That, suddenly triggered my rebelliousness. (I am a rebel innerly, but I usually act very polite and obedient, especially around the people who work for my father. Plus, I did not at all disagree with the statement. But potentially for his attitude or my mood,) I showed a little dissent. I believe that encouraged him to go on, he started talking about different perspectives looking at the same problems would differ greatly on the largeness of the problem. “If a person stood inside the problem, he would feel small and weak against the ‘problem’. But if the person stood outside the problem, he would look at the problem at the same level, feeling not as troubled and frightened by the problem.” 

Don’t be ridiculous! How is that so?! 1) Does the way you feel change the literal size of anything? No. Perhaps the way you feel changes the apparent size of this thing, but the “thing” is definitely still that “thing”. 2) Trying to look at a problem with deceived and untruthful visions is a sign of ignorance and fright. Already changing the attitude to make yourself feel better does not indicate you will overcome this problem with accuracy and precision. You can trick yourself now, but you will realize your failure later. 

I did point out my two doubts to him but I think he sneakily mis-answered by telling me to find friends to study with or get help from, as well as examples from his university career. 

“Let a simple story be told: A farmer is farming on a piece of land. There is a rock in the middle of the land. Every time the farmer reaches the centre of the land, his plow would break as it hits the rock. No one knows how big the rock is but it is believed it is indeed big enough to break the plow every single time. This happens repeatedly, thus the farmer gets extremely frustrated. One day, he could no longer contain his rage and determined to dig out the rock. The rock was quickly dug out and the farmer realized it is not big at all. Oh! How he wished he had taken action earlier, only if he knew it was such an effortless task.”

Yes, I understand the story and it makes absolute sense — the rock is the problem and the farmer is a troubled person — sometimes, the trouble seems really grand; but after it was solved, it was really no big deal. Obviously, life is not this simple, but the idea is straightforward. I completely agree; in fact, I understood and even experienced this before, yet I could not bring myself to “dig out the rock”. 

Okay, so the problem bothering me is the difficulty of Physics. It is the most stressful class I am taking — with especially the apparently deadly AP exam in May, my grades dropping, pressure building up, some people losing faith, some people doing amazing, the gap enlarging, then me losing faith — it’s crushing me. I can’t not worry about it because I love to be good. My conscience is made of no morality, it is about grades. I have not ever been a student below average and I know I will break at some point but I know it is not now, not yet, not physics, not a course I enjoy, not a course I plan on studying for the rest of my life. So yes, the pressure’s on, and it’s big. 

Anyway, I never did bring myself to solve my problem. When it got a little better, life would be colourful and amazing. But when it got a little worse again, I prayed it’d get better. Me and Physics is a big problem and I know it will take time to do well. So, I shared with this manager how really lazy I am and how I am just not motivated enough. He said determinedly, that I lack “determination”, the determination “to win”. Yes, I know. I just told you that myself. He told me an ancient Chinese story of war. There was an army crossing the river onto the enemy’s land. As soon as the soldiers did, they burnt their troops and smashed their bowls — no way back, no food left. Their enemy was much stronger than themselves, but their determination for victory eventually brought victory. He supposed I still had a way out, reason for lack of determination. Well, I suppose he’s right — I know I will not truly regret, until the week of the AP exam — this is always the case with not-thoroughly-prepared tests. I do need determination. Determination causes motivation. Determination is the beginning of motivation. Determination itself is motivation. (Determination and rebelliousness do not conflict so I conclude him right.) Funny I feel determined now, now that I’m inspired. I feel it burn in me, but I know it will fade; the flame always does — comes quick, leaves quick. Therefore, I already talked to my mother about getting a Physics tutor. This would be the first step at least. To keep the motivation going. 

Furthermore, I love love love challenges big time! It’s also probably why I feel so determined now. I don’t at all believe in impossibilities, at least not in things existing in this physical world. Challenges almost literally turn me on. I am faithful (and determined) that I would overcome whichever difficulty I truly want (determine) to overcome. And I have never failed so far. Anyway, I do hope I get over this Physics problem and will be ready for my exam in May. Just may I stay motivated and determined. 

Also, another lesson learnt, open rebelliousness, or as I call, courage to speak out, is not at all rude, but rather important in education. Allowing oneself to be rebutted needs bravery as it creates the possibility of “I was wrong”. But truly, realizing “I was wrong” is better than “Yeah, sure, you’re right. I don’t care.” mixed with inner rebelliousness and defiance. It’s always good to be thorough, regardless its uglification under a microscope. :)

Hong Kong (Christmas Break)

Haha, this is my first time writing blogs on a Mac. Well, it’s because I just got a Macbook Pro Retina the day before yesterday. I’m on the plane to Shanghai from Shenzhen. My whole family stayed in Hong Kong for four nights. We did a lot of shopping and a little bit of hiking throughout these days. We got a Macbook for me, an automatic camera for our family during Soefae and my performances at school. We also got some accessories for the electronics Dad and I own. Another big part of this four-day-trip is that we went to visit Dad’s friend who used to live in Shanghai as well. Uncle Gao has two children with the similar age as me: Peter and Lucy. Lucy’s younger than her brother by two years, only in Grade 7. Her brother, Peter, is in Grade 9 like me, and he’s only a week older than me. They’re really cool people and really good students at the same time. They studied in Shanghai until last year summer (2013 August — today’s just the beginning of 2014). Anyways, they are now living in Hong Kong, studying there. They’re awesome and I used to really really enjoy spending time with them back in Shanghai. But now, as people grow older, they tend to get along more awkwardly, I don’t know why. Either way, Lucy is extremely smart too. She gets the best score in her grade. However, she knows nothing on programming. On the contrary, her brother, Peter is extremely pro at computer stuff. Everything related to electronics in his family is his job, apparently… He always gets… like the best score in his grade as well. He is already studying calculus by watching university lessons on his computer. Then, after my dad knowing this, he started to encourage me to start to watch the lessons on my new Mac, too. Well, I guess he’s right. I should start to work harder to plan for my university future and my career. I wasn’t frustrated at all. But I genuinely thought I need and definitely can do better. The problem with me isn’t that I’m dumb. That I’m sure of, because I learn super fast. There hasn’t been anything I tried but failed. However, the problem with me is that I’m lazy. I enjoy watching movies more than anything. Now, I’ll start to try really hard to quit my addiction and start to study, because MAN, I’m already in Grade 9 and time pass like an arrow, Grade 12 comes in one blink. I’m not a kid anymore, yet I’m losing my good habit of self-control and self-discipline which I had when I was back in China. I wanna build my good habit of working-before-playing back up. Okay, well I got my Macbook for school; now all I need to do is to use it properly and be better in school. :D 

We Day!

       Today’s Friday, but I didn’t go to school. Because… I went to We Day!! We Day is an event that inspires young people to make the world a better place.

       I have never been to We Day before. Others who have been described it mainly as a concert with different celebrities singing and a gathering with people talking (I didn’t even know what about). However, after today --- my first time, I would not tell people what others told me, but I would describe is as an inspiring event with heroes, speakers breathing out words which give such strong impact that they brought me tears.

       Mainly, the entire day was about building a brighter future with young people with dreams. Moreover, the problems with the modern world are explained. Via a variety of ways, the topics of poverty, lack of education, famines, problems with water sources in the developing countries and bullying issues in Canada are presented. Some of the time, videos were put on the screens. Other times, hosts and guests spoke with a clear purpose. Another small portion of time was the performances with singers and dancers.

       What touched me the most is the idea of having a dream and achieving it through blood and sweat. Spencer West had a shocking and incredible life. I barely watched the TV or listened to the news on radio before. I didn’t care anything about the world outside of my own social and family circle. I never really learned about anything from anywhere, except, sometimes, from Socials Class. So I didn’t know who Spencer West is until I came to We Day. Spencer was amputated from pelvis down due to a genetic disorder when he was five. Spencer now walks both on his hands and in his wheelchair. But even without legs, he successfully climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, one of the largest mountains in Africa in May 2012. He also completed a 300 km trek from Edmonton to Calgary in May 2013. To be honest, the video We Day showed us about Spencer made me laugh a little while watching Spencer walking on his arms, because his actions made him look exactly like a gorilla. However, this, ironically, also made me cry a little. Spencer has this huge disability and abnormality differing him from regular people; But even him, raised more than 500,000 dollars for Kenya Clean Water Project! He had a dream, and it was to raise 750,000 dollars. I admire him not for he has or almost will achieve his goal, but it is because he overcame obstacles, believed in the impossible, and made a difference. He chased after his ridiculous dream with no legs, no matter how many “no”s he has heard. There are other inspiring examples and this is only one of them. Real heroes face their impossible goal that others think cannot be achieved, but finish with cuts and scars, yet glory and pride.

       Now, after seeing so many videos both at school and at We Day, I cannot wait for my PR Card to get returned to me, so I can go on a service trip, either by school or by Me to We Organization. I would love to experience the culture of developing countries filled with sweet love and joy. The videos are breath-taking and I know I would so much enjoy the trip.

       We Day was extremely inspiring and I definitely would love to go again next year. Learning the facts that I never wanted to face or even hear, understanding the misery yet the hopefulness the victims in developing countries face, realizing the job that young people, like me have ----- spread the word, take actions, and make a difference. I look forward to the next We Day!

Grade 9 Report

Grade 9 Report

Grade 9 has already started for 20 days. It hasn’t felt long or particularly short. After a happy summer which I don’t recall doing anything important right at this moment (except for Yellowstone), I was not ready for school to start. Maybe I was, but I definitely was not willing. Yeah yeah, I have friends and I couldn’t wait to hang out with them full day-5 days, but the “getting up early” and “taking the bus” thing didn’t sound at all pleasing to me, to be honest.

Honestly, I have no clue what I am about to write in this blog. But… Anyways, it has already been awhile since school started, so I can say I’m getting used to it pretty well. This year’s classes are amazing. I have at least my friend I can chit-chat with in every class. I love this year’s courses. I’m doing Band and Art for electives and French for language. Nothing special. Nothing different from last year. I joined choir this year. I’m doing Intermediate Chamber Choir and jazz choir with “not class time”. I have to wake up one hour earlier than usual to do Intermediate Chamber Choir twice a week, and jazz choir is just at lunch every Friday. I love Intermediate Choir. It is so much fun and I just love to sing (though I suck)! It probably is also because it is for credit. Though I have only been to “practices” twice since school started, I already love it and am able to participate confidently now. I also joined Round Square, a small organization in school, but a pretty big organization in the world. Through Round Square, I signed up to go to We Day, and I was selected to go! So, this is coming up in less than a month, and I already can’t wait (though I have no idea what the real point of the whole #concert/celebrity/songs event etc. In the beginning of October, I will be volunteering at the West Vancouver Community Center for the PumpkinFest Event. I have never been in the event, let aside volunteering there before. I was too lazy to go last year, but I desperately want some service hours. So, why not? My friends are doing it, my sister’s probably going there too, so I guess I’ll show up as well. I’m looking forward to my service hours! Oh, I got School Colors today. It’s like a reward for the students who got honors for academics: Straight A’s, except for 1 grade no lower than B is allowed to get this award. Well, I got it! No middle school student in my house except for me, got it! :D So proud, but praise the Lord. I have to leave for the first volleyball game this year in ten minutes. Oh right, I totally forgot about volleyball. I went to two out of three try-outs, and I got in (though only 4-5 people got cut)! Yay! Praise the Lord again. I suck big time and I still got in! Now, I’m like one of the worst players on the teams. There are so many practices in the morning and afternoons. So tiring. Right now, I’m almost freaking out because of the game. I’ll feel so bad if I miss a easy ball or mess up a easy pass or fail my simple underhand serve. Hah, I don’t know why I’m worrying. I’m probably not gonna be put on the court a lot anyways. Well, either way, Lord Jesus, I am weak, and help me out a bit please? “For God has not given us a spirit of cowardice, but of power, and of love, and of sobermindedness. Amen.

Umm, anyways, there’s a lot going on lately, and it’s been tiring but fun. I’m ready for another happy and successful school year! 

July Overlook

      Time flies so fast that it is already mid-August. Sadly, July passed quickly and summer is almost over. My summer has been pretty full and busy, honestly. In July, I took Math 10 at Sentinel for three weeks, from 8:30 to 13:00. It wasn’t hard, mostly reviewing knowledge from Grade 9 Math. In the afternoon of the two weeks included, I took environmental architecture lessons at Green Apple Art Centre in Vancouver. Since it starts at 14:00, an hour after I finish Math in the morning, and is in busy Vancouver, I had to rush to my art class directly and eat lunch at a simple sushi restaurant nearby in an I-barely-know driver’s car. Then, after three hours of making models and sketching diagrams, I take the bus, either #14 or #16 to go Downtown, and switch to any bus heading to Park Royal, West Van. It can get crowded and humid in the bus due to the number of passengers and the traffic time of the day. I stick to myself and go home myself. Normally, it takes less an hour to get home by those two fairly convenient buses. However, on every Monday and Thursday, I have French tutorials at 19:00 in West Van. I go directly to my academy by bus after finishing my architecture class. So, basically, on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday, I leave home at 8:15 for summer school and come home in the afternoon, at around 18:00. Then, on Monday and Thursday, I don’t rest or get home for the whole day until approximately 20:45 at night. Those two weeks were very occupying but satisfying. I don’t think I haven’t been so busy but independent for an extremely long time. I catch the bus, I eat by myself, I spend a lot of time studying, and I stand alone and face the rest of the whole world with courage and curiosity. At home, I piddle less, I sleep better, and I treasure my family more. It was a new and enjoyable experience. It didn’t feel like much, but I’m sure I had taken myself to a whole new level. :)

Never Know the Preciousness of Something until It Is Lost -- So Cherish It

This one is for you, Jack.

Though summer is here, I can’t help but feeling a little sadness spreading through me. First reason is probably of the heartbreaking Chinese music I’m listening to. Second reason is that school is over, and there’s one extremely important people is just walking out of my life.

My best guy friend, Jack, is leaving for a military school next year. In retrospection, he is the friend who made me laugh the most and bought me the most amounts of cookies, the only person who ever asked for homework to copy from and pleaded me to do his lab report, the one who made fun of me but then quickly comforted me when I fell. He is patient. He is chubby. He is thoughtful. He is careless. He is funny. He is emotionless. He is understanding. He is arrogant. He is confident. He is just… unique. He is my rough blanket, my dangerous harbor. Strangely, there is only pure friendship between us, and honestly, it is extremely hard to have a guy friend who makes himself so easy and comfortable to be approached. Sometimes, my friends believe love sparks are being created, but, from my angle, I have no feelings for him other than the appreciation and honor for him for our friendship. I’m a little shy. When my friends talk to a guy so easily and directly, I would just stand far away awkwardly smiling. From his angle, I have no clue who he likes or if he does like me. And I am very grateful for that. For making our companionship so simple and easy. Now, he is leaving, after only one year of us knowing each other. I feel so stupid for just realizing how important he is to me. I guess they are right, “You never know how precious something is until you lost it.” I hate it that I have to face my loss of him while knowing and regretting that I could have but haven’t done more for him. Though one year seemed like a very short time, he has already comfortably settled a position in my heart, where he will be, though he leaves.

I know you won’t ever see this, but Jack, I am so sorry that I never got a chance to say goodbye to you properly. And I know I won’t able to see you in a really long time. Just remember to influence more people with your carefree and delighted spirit. I genuinely thank you for being an amazing friend and making my year so special. Good luck.